Saturday, September 20, 2008

Happy Birthday Mum

Well, I have had an emotional couple of weeks. I think I have been in a state of depression. Blogging has really kept my mind off all my health issues and even that has become "not fun" to me. I did lots of praying last night and hopefully I will come out of this. I hate the way I feel. Physical and emotional pain, decisions to make (My cancer doctor mentioned chemo, I was always told this type of cancer I have does not respond to chemo, I will find out more on Monday), and just the stresses of my ever day life. I cannot handle it. But this morning I wake up and realize today would have been my mothers birthday. She would have been 64. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MUM. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. These last 19 years sure went by fast. Seems like yesterday that I can hear her laugh on the phone, her steak dinners, my visit to Arizona to visit her, helping her pick out her casket and telling us "I want to be shown for three days!"( which we did and it was a good thing. My mom has so so many friends), watching her be carried into the house after her chemo treatments, rubbing her feet and telling her how much I loved her and will miss her, and even her words to me "find a good Church and start going" Boy do I miss her. I can relate now to all she went through with her breast cancer. How much she suffered. I know she is looking down at me and she does not want me to be in all this pain. So for her I will have a good day. I am going to watch Tyler play hockey. I will but on a happy face, after I take my pain pill, lol. And enjoy the beautiful day. I will try to forget all my problems and enjoy life. I am alive and I will live for the moment. Thank you God I am alive and rest in peace mum. And, I did what you asked... I found an awesome Church with wonderful, helpful friends and I quit smoking!!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

Molly Brawley said...

Hey sister--I am really really surprised why they want to do chemo. However, if there are any signs of any other cancer (your other breast) maybe that is why? What Sharon Lane always tells ACC/breast people whose doctors say "chemo" ASK THE DOCTOR TO SHOW YOU RESEARCH THAT SHOWS CHEMO WORKS ON THIS CANCER. There is none.

However, every tumor is different. If your tumor was not triple negative, it is possible that chemo is needed and tells me that your ACC is not the typical kind and may be a mixture of another type of cancer. If that is the case, ask for the ONCOdx test, which will then determine if the chemo will change your prognosis at all. I did not have the Oncodx test because it is already known that my trip negative tumor (which almost all ACC is)does not respond so chemo would do nothing for me...and may hurt me.

Do you have a copy of your path report? I am curious what it says. I wonder if they are going to try to do chemo because of your mom's history? but that isn't even protocol. If they do end of recommending it, I would get a second opinion, and maybe even a third. But there may be something I am not understanding about your tumor.

I am so proud you are a non-smoker! How is the healing going?

Mood around our house is crappy right now--I have the same chest cold Andrew and Josh have been struggling with and have been in bed all day--plus, Notre Daame lost, and Andrew's football team lost a heartbreaker last night which basically puts us out of the playoffs. Silly things to be upset about but at least I am not worried about cancer.

I really am curious about the whole chemo thing. Please let me know what they say on Monday.