Saturday, September 20, 2008
Happy Birthday Mum
Well, I have had an emotional couple of weeks. I think I have been in a state of depression. Blogging has really kept my mind off all my health issues and even that has become "not fun" to me. I did lots of praying last night and hopefully I will come out of this. I hate the way I feel. Physical and emotional pain, decisions to make (My cancer doctor mentioned chemo, I was always told this type of cancer I have does not respond to chemo, I will find out more on Monday), and just the stresses of my ever day life. I cannot handle it. But this morning I wake up and realize today would have been my mothers birthday. She would have been 64. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MUM. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. These last 19 years sure went by fast. Seems like yesterday that I can hear her laugh on the phone, her steak dinners, my visit to Arizona to visit her, helping her pick out her casket and telling us "I want to be shown for three days!"( which we did and it was a good thing. My mom has so so many friends), watching her be carried into the house after her chemo treatments, rubbing her feet and telling her how much I loved her and will miss her, and even her words to me "find a good Church and start going" Boy do I miss her. I can relate now to all she went through with her breast cancer. How much she suffered. I know she is looking down at me and she does not want me to be in all this pain. So for her I will have a good day. I am going to watch Tyler play hockey. I will but on a happy face, after I take my pain pill, lol. And enjoy the beautiful day. I will try to forget all my problems and enjoy life. I am alive and I will live for the moment. Thank you God I am alive and rest in peace mum. And, I did what you asked... I found an awesome Church with wonderful, helpful friends and I quit smoking!!!!!!!!!!!