Monday, September 22, 2008

making the right choice for me

I had a long tough weekend considering the decision I had to make about my chemo-therapy. I went to Tyler's hockey game on Saturday, we won 5-1. This was the second game of this season. Tyler had 4 goals. I see he has not lost his touch, last season he finished with 99 goals. It felt so good getting out of the house and enjoying the day, letting go of my problems and having some excitement. Church on Sunday was quite emotional. Seems I have been letting the tears roll, but I sure feel good when I leave. I have decided that having an 80% chance that my cancer is gone is a good thing! The 10% increase in my cure rate if I do chemo, is not worth the sickness of chemo to me. My cancer doctors nurse called me today, and his opinon is that my cure rate increase 10% with chemo but he had no proven fact on that. That is just his opinon. My second opinon doctor took my case to the "tumor board" when I was first diagnosed ( I talked about that early on in my blogging). The oncologist on the team felt that my type of cancer does not respond to chemo. All that I have read, it seems that way, and my cancer sister, Molly, was told that by her doctor too. I did not hear from my surgeon today, but I am positive his opinon was the same, chemo will not have a response. And considering that I would still have a 10% percent chance of it coming back even if I do the chemo, I will leave it up to God. I want to move on with my life, and put it in his hands. He has the plan and I cannot stress about it anymore. I will pray that it does not come back, but if it does... I will deal with it then. I had lots of advice from friends and family that I love dearly, and they helped me make my decision. After talking with my husband we decided that "if it ain"t broke, then do not fix it" My cancer doctor said my condition is one of those where the choice had to be mine. He cannot tell me I need chemo,like he does with some of his paitents. I wish it was that easy. I have been fine with what the doctors felt was the best for me up to this point, but of course it cannot be that easy. Since my diagnosis, nothing has been easy. It has been a struggle, but I made it this far. Things need to improve for me. I am feeling better mentally and physically, prayer really does help. I went back to work today. No pictures to take, but there are lots of babies for tomorrow. I am working for Jody because she is sick and cannot work. It felt good being back to work. I also went and got sized for my new bras and prosthesis. I will get four of them... two nude, one black and one white. They fit real nice. Considering I have been walking around bras less and flat, having the new bras lifted my spirits a bunch, and my chest,lol. I also got invited to a breast cancer luncheon that is coming up soon at the Yacht Club. Liane will be joining me. From what I have been told it will be a nice time. I could sit here and blog for hours, but kids need baths and then homework time. I will keep my friend Joy in my prayers tonight. Her mom is still in the hospital and her sister is dealing with cancer too. Life for her has been tough this last year, so I ask God to give her some peace tonight as she sleeps. I look forward to spending time with her when we go to Indiana for her daughters wedding.


Molly Brawley said...

Steph--I have been thinking about you all day. I am so pleased with your decision knowing what I know. I kept reading your post looking for WHY they are recommending chemo...which doctor was recommending it and WHY? I would think the only one qualified would be the onco, so if he said no, I think you are doing the right thing. Now, if it was 10 percent and PROVEN to work on adenoid cystic carcinoma, that is a different story. Chemo is a tough tough thing and can cause all kinds of other trouble. I just can't grasp why the one doctor is/are recommending it. I am so glad you came to terms with it. I will tell you on the breast cancer yahoo group there are many Normal, garden variety cancer survivors who refuse chemo even when it is proven to work. I always thought it was a must have type of thing. Anyway, no matter what your decision, I am there for you and am just glad its been made. I'm going to re-read your post. I just want to know WHY they think chemo might work.

PTL that you have now decided. Just one more hump you got over in this cray journey!


Molly Brawley said...

Ok, it is me again. I re-read your post and see it was an onco who recommended it. Ususally, when they give percents like that,they have oncoDx'd your tumor, and I am curious if they did that. His "opinion' with no proof is interesting to me. Did he say becauase of your mom's history? His research could be coming from some studies on ACC of the salivary glands that chemo does slow growth in some cases, but they are usually Stage IV and it usually comes back. And ACC non-breast behaves so differently than ACC breast. With my tumor being 6.1 centimeteres I sure as heck should have had chemo if it worked...wished I could have in some ways just o know i covered all my bases bu it doesn't work!

So darling, if you are going to heaven 'cause of this dumb disease, i will probably beat you up with my whopping tumor size and no tumor too...I'll great you with lots of food and a cigarette. : )

We are in this together kiddo. And we are going to be OK!!!!

Molly Brawley said...

ok, i am out of my mind. I can't type. I did not mean to say I would beat you up...meant to say I would beat you up to heaven...and I would greet you, not great you.

I think I need to take some pills or something! ARGGHH!!!!!

Try to not laugh at me. : )