making the right choice for me

I had a long tough weekend considering the decision I had to make about my chemo-therapy. I went to Tyler's hockey game on Saturday, we won 5-1. This was the second game of this season. Tyler had 4 goals. I see he has not lost his touch, last season he finished with 99 goals. It felt so good getting out of the house and enjoying the day, letting go of my problems and having some excitement. Church on Sunday was quite emotional. Seems I have been letting the tears roll, but I sure feel good when I leave. I have decided that having an 80% chance that my cancer is gone is a good thing! The 10% increase in my cure rate if I do chemo, is not worth the sickness of chemo to me. My cancer doctors nurse called me today, and his opinon is that my cure rate increase 10% with chemo but he had no proven fact on that. That is just his opinon. My second opinon doctor took my case to the "tumor board" when I was first diagnosed ( I talked about that early on in my blogging). The oncologist on the team felt that my type of cancer does not respond to chemo. All that I have read, it seems that way, and my cancer sister, Molly, was told that by her doctor too. I did not hear from my surgeon today, but I am positive his opinon was the same, chemo will not have a response. And considering that I would still have a 10% percent chance of it coming back even if I do the chemo, I will leave it up to God. I want to move on with my life, and put it in his hands. He has the plan and I cannot stress about it anymore. I will pray that it does not come back, but if it does... I will deal with it then. I had lots of advice from friends and family that I love dearly, and they helped me make my decision. After talking with my husband we decided that "if it ain"t broke, then do not fix it" My cancer doctor said my condition is one of those where the choice had to be mine. He cannot tell me I need chemo,like he does with some of his paitents. I wish it was that easy. I have been fine with what the doctors felt was the best for me up to this point, but of course it cannot be that easy. Since my diagnosis, nothing has been easy. It has been a struggle, but I made it this far. Things need to improve for me. I am feeling better mentally and physically, prayer really does help. I went back to work today. No pictures to take, but there are lots of babies for tomorrow. I am working for Jody because she is sick and cannot work. It felt good being back to work. I also went and got sized for my new bras and prosthesis. I will get four of them... two nude, one black and one white. They fit real nice. Considering I have been walking around bras less and flat, having the new bras lifted my spirits a bunch, and my chest,lol. I also got invited to a breast cancer luncheon that is coming up soon at the Yacht Club. Liane will be joining me. From what I have been told it will be a nice time. I could sit here and blog for hours, but kids need baths and then homework time. I will keep my friend Joy in my prayers tonight. Her mom is still in the hospital and her sister is dealing with cancer too. Life for her has been tough this last year, so I ask God to give her some peace tonight as she sleeps. I look forward to spending time with her when we go to Indiana for her daughters wedding.